Unsaid words.

Feeling so good meet up with my secondary school friends tonight. 

Great endless conversations feat. chill night 

know that what's mean to stay, stay forever 

this is what I ask for.

 Things changed real quick around me. I guess what's life 

It's weird to feel that way at the beginning but I get it, I got it

The rule is no rehearsal. God is planning for us, we just need to do the following good show, for yourself.

'How's things going so far?' One of my college friend was asking me. 

 'It's getting fun and excited!... ' I answered positively. 

Yeah a part from that, it was. Another part of that I hope I hide it well.

To be honest here.

College life has been stressing me out lately.

I get to know a lot of peoples from different states

So many people would be scared, if they saw in the mirror, not their faces but their character.

Reality hits.

Mostly I saw that happened in those who staying in hostel. They talk nicely to you at first because you have that use of value to them. You have a car, you can be their transport. How funny it is, when I realized. At time goes by, they slowly talking to you when they needed something, even worst they never. 

I didn't tell everyone in my college once bout this

I think the best solution is just keeping away silently, yeah.   

Moving on.

 Another part from that was the problem of teamwork.

I was sneaking crying about this. And that's the first time I cried in college because of you. Guess that you never notice it, I was so mad at your attitude please don't let me named you something start from B, that's rude. It was the second time you were doing the same mistake to challenge my limits. Almost every time whenever we were doing our building model please ask yourself what are you actually doing? I can clearly tell you here. You were on your phone or doing your uncompleted assignments, either. I don't understand! Why can't you complete on time but I could, yet you are not focus helping me in the building model too.

The mates from the other group are worrying me whether I could be completed on schedule, apparently yet you're not, I feel firmly that you are all count on me. That's the problem. I give you chances by chances, you disappointing every single time. I didn't say a word because I know once I broke out it can be out of control.

Please know that I did not speak does not mean I have no feeling at all. 

Please know that what I hate the most is start fighting.

Please know that everyone has their limits. 

I'm mad that you always had the excuse 'No time'. 

Lmfao I found it funny lol

No time is your personal problem, not mine. 

No time is not that excuse dude. I do have no time too. 

But did I told you once? No. I completed everything I said I done and I done your parts too. 

It sucks! Your words suck. 

You were keeping it for days till then you told me you had no idea what to do before the next day we going to meet in college. I was totally dumbfounded and replied you with my patience. (I'm losing my patience!) Do you even remember your part is to built the rooftop? Nah, I done it almost. 

At the first semester, we were grouped in the same team. Do you remember about one of the assignment of basic design? We decided to make a set lunch by recycle things. You weren't helping me to think how to built the bowl, I done it all by myself. From the begin till the end, you only helped me to cut the sewing thread as the noodles. During the process you kept messaging me asking about the process, do you knew that's really annoying? Luckily, we got a not bad score at that subject. 

My parents were asking me why the condition of my skin allergic was getting bad once at a month. I hide from them. Therefore you really make me feel like you are using me to get high score all way long.

Be fair to me please. I had enough. I'm human too, I'm not your pets. I can't stand anymore.

Here, I made a promise to myself. 

Starting from the next semester onward if there's needed to do group work assignment, you are blackisted.

That's all for today, goodnight my readers.

Staygone.

"And even though it's been a while, I sometimes still catch myself wondering what you're up to. Whose eyes you're staring into now and seeing galaxies, just as you once used to in mine." But whatever.

My choice

How I spent my holiday. 

Living in my own space, 

Living in silence.

______________________

#M- 1.

Drawing

I shock myself doing things everyone told me that I can't.

Each girl has that one boy she will never lose feelings for. I think mine is still him, Connor Franta.

My first portrait ever. 

That night. Everything went so random, I sat in front of my desk and surfed my Twitter

I saw your latest tweet and I decided to make a portrait of you. I know it looks kinda weird.

 (So fucked up with the fluffy hair) Promise, I will do more practice. 

I'll show you my Magic.

D e t a i l s .

The reference.

M y  W o r k.

#M- 2.
Keepreading

Spend whole day in bookstore, sit down & read a book.


I found one of the author, Peter Su.
My first impression when I start reading one of his book, he is keen on music, love backpack travel, insist on his dreams. I get inspired a lot tbh go get his book to know more! I hooked on your every single words.
It reminded me that what's true meaning of falling down.


‘爱不能说也听不到，但当你靠近它的时候就会感觉到。’


Seriously, I have a thing for boys, with books. (If you got a weird hobby as reading we can be friends lol)

#M- 3.

Sleep24hours

Be a baby sleep earlier. Have my nap time too.

When was the last time I get in to bed at 10? Maybe was my primary school time, 

maybe was when I still don't know about Internet, or maybe was only when I'm sick. 

How sweet it is when someone constantly wish me, goodnight! 

My bad for not telling you guys earlier before you all had gone, 

I really appreciated that every single time, I love it that showed cares!,   

but somehow that everyone gets tired to do so. (unnecessary wish)

 I know right I should not force them to talk to me, 

but anyway thanks for wishing, that's more than enough.

Selfie yi xia.

#M- 4.
Latenightdrives

Random outing with my 95's homies,
I think that is just so called life.
It can't take so serious just like picked up the phone call, they came to your front door and pick you up 

Going without my identity card, driving license, jacket, power bank and blablabla, it so like a child. 

How insane? (Not worrying... ) 

A night,

it seems to be back in December.

the temperature was similar. 

That cold

That late
The taste of coffee.

#M- 5.
Date someone special.


Oh damn, how I wish we could meet everyday.
But in reality, we can't make it anymore. We both running, fighting for our future.
we had made up our mind the path we're moving forward to, searching for ourselves.
we are living the completely different field. But one thing has never change is keep cheering each other.

Stay in touch, as promised.
We don't have to keep messaging daily, but I know you'll always be there for me when I needed.

#M- 6.
Sortout

The most I hate to do was cleaning. It depends on my mood.
But this time my mood goes opposite lol,
Surprisingly, I discovered old stuff.
A popular camera from the early 1980s.
Dad's old love I guest?

That classic tho

#M- 7.

Morningrun.

People think I'm weird. Yeah weird the fuck outta of my way.

I miss woke up early at 4 jogging before my school hour, before I start my day. No more after graduated.

 After having college my body clock changed, I can't make it and knowing how fun was staying in bed till the last minute and RUSH to morning class! Is real fun especially driving to school. (professional racing driver wanna be)

   

#M- 8.

Breakfast

Make yourself a breakfast was always an excuse for the people running late to work/school.

to be honest I'm one of them, I could skip my breakfast with an excuse of laziness..

So, let's make yourself a good morning with PiZZZa.  

#M- 9.
Playsomeoldsongs

Purple Lips, Girl thoughts.

Hello there! Another sleepless night having me. So yeah, same. 静静没人找

Get obsessed with the latest filter in Snapchat.

If only if my eyes can be that big, my face can be more v shaped and chubby and that thickness sexy lips. Cute how. I vlog a lot in my drafts with this filter lol. 

What's topic for night err

About me, myself.

Trying to be an ordinary and annoying girl is hard tho

I'm the type of super wouldn't take initiative girl. If you know me well, Um hmm you'll know. 

I can go for years or centuries not talking to you if you're not come and speak to me or dah.. 

Conversely, it's strange that I can easily strike up a convo with strangers (even tho everyone keeps telling me it's dangerous, don't worry i will watch my ass out)

Nobody know the real me. Nobody know how many times I've cried in my room when nobody was watching . Nobody know how many times I lost hope, how many times I've been hope down. Nobody know how many times I've felt like I'm about to snap, but I don't for the sake of others. Nobody knows my thoughts that go through my head when I'm sad. How horrible they truly are. Nobody. Knows. Me. No I'm fine.

Girl.

Sometimes my yes, means yes
my yes, means still considering
my yes, means no idea/up to you
my yes, means can you not?” 
my no, means i want it. my no, means yes
This is not tongue-twister, is real shit. How complicated HUMAN? GIRLS? 


Overthinking skill game strong. 
This is what girl usually do lol. Not lying, okay 这里讲 这里算 
I'm dead inside every single time hiding feelings at day and pretend like nothing happened, i know everything will goes smoothly if I don't vent it out, before I destroyed everything. Destroyed you.

I'm sensitive as fuck to turn into overthinking 
But I respect everyone of you. If you don't tell, I won't ask
So please, my friends don't be shy. If you need a talk or listener please come over and sit down and tell me whatever irrelevant things that happened to you or bother you. And you'd make me realize I'm worth of my existence in your life, for sure you'll make my day too. Heh

I don't really know where I stand in some people's lives... 
One minute they treat me like I'm someone special, then nothing the next. Always ended up with disappointment. Be honest, it terrifies me that I never know what someone is thinking or feeling towards me and everything that they say could be one massive lie. 

Every time I used to tell them it's okay I don't mind it kind of careless act to protect my feelings. 
I do care, I mind it. Frankly. 
Susan cares a lot. 

Fuck, 3 am knows all my secrets. (Already 3 now)

After I bought my new laptop I often, no, is 24/7 on Facebook
But I always turned off my chat, I don't know why. There was a time something wrong with me in the past year so I disabled to use it lol (forgot the reason) 

I really want to be a normal girl, keep on posting selfies, updating, and expressing my feelings and emotion to public when feeling happy, sad, angry, disappointed, or even being loved, but I can't (it was the old me immature ass). 
Hey, why I think this way?

Aren't you lack of confidence? Why. Is like a defensive wall for me. 
Is kind of showing my weakest to the social. (Human will stabbed you with your weakest, destroy your life silently) idk why I feel this way perhaps I've ever been betrayed by someone past years ago. After all I did changed my mind, so yeah.

做自己难不难？ 

Susan please, you need to know

Fame doesn't define you, social media doesn't define you, YOU DEFINE YOU. 

About people 

There are too many temporary people in my journey. I hate temporary people and mostly I get murdered by them. I hate them but I adore them somehow. I have an invisible gap to deal with them (a veces) Humans. They confusing me. They simply act like idiots turns me up and down.


Let's make it simple. There are just two ways to choose, either you stay, or you get lost. Your choice.

But why, after most of them had chosen to leave and I am the one who feel sick or even lose my appetite for them and keep wasting my time wondering if they feel the same way as me, wondering if they're thinking about me too. 

When in reality, they aren't. 

While I'm making them my priority, they're only making me an option. Truly that's just how it is. 

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feel like this and they are still living their joyful life like I'm so easy being replaced. 

Why? humans.



Sometimes I regret opening up to some people, they didn't deserve to know me like that. 
I should learn not to tell so much about myself to them, temporary people. 
I should learn to shut the fuck up, day by day. 
I'm so scare to rely on too many of them when they stop constantly keep in touch with me and that don't talk anymore kind of strange feeling is killing me.
But it's ok, time heals everything. 
Or maybe I'm just losing interest against them
Never mind go ahead. Realize who's worth it, and who's not. Watch.

There is honestly no reason to lie to me. I'm too understanding. I get it. 

I know that shit happens, just be straight up with me, I will respect you more tbh k

Okay, Susan listen here!

Do not chase people. Work hard and Be you.

 The right people who belong in your life will come over and find you and stay. Do your thing.

To be honeeeeeeeeeessssssssssttttttttttttttt

I don't like argument. I'd rather quit if you start, but then everything between you and me will fall apart (nothing left). You know how tired it is to maintain in the cold war? You want to fight? Sure, you dare to have a try. 

I love people who talk about music to me. Sharing their playlist with me and tell me what's you think about this songs. Analyze the lyrics by words to words

I like people who I can occasionally have really deep conversations with, and at the same time joke around with me. I feel comfortable around them. Just a few of them I can joke around after my college life(oh how i miss my highschool nuts). Where can I find more of them in my real life,(I'm craving).

I stalk myself a lot... like I'll go through my own Twitter, Instagram and watch my story way more than I do anyone else lmao I just love me. My Twitter is the quietest place I'd use to tweet all my un-filter thoughts lol, secrets stop telling. My Instagram is awesome with the new feature 'My story'

I read a lot of quotes in a day, just to keep myself in positive blood type. 

I have a dream, I wanna sit on a rooftop with someone at 3am just looking at the stars.

I get easy to feel being abandon. When I'm alone, when people didn't reply my messages, why can't you just reply a simple message before you end your talk.. I should get used to it, people usually do. So people out there, if you leave someone at least tell them why, because what's more painful than being abandoned is knowing you aren't worth an explanation, busy or not interested to talk to, is just fine. Just tell

I'm a sleepy girl. I actually believed that i could be truly happy after grown up but we don't always get what we want.  May sleep fixes everything. If I didn't reply your messages or pick up your call, I'm 80% sleeping or phone dying. either. 

I am the repeal type. When I'm sad/mad I deleted things, everything in my phone. Then after the ups and downs of mood I regret all the things I had eliminated. Hmm I wish someone would stop me while I'm looking at my phone when I'm on fire.  

Funny how, I have an allergic on milk.  It causes my fingers peeling, swollen, more even worse was bleeding. I had been stand for almost 3 years. Can you imagine how funny it is? When everyone was eating the food that made by milk and I'm just sat in front them and watched them to have it. Yeah, it was getting better after I started my college, but lately it comes back to me idk why. Hmm

This is important, I always remind myself be the person that I want to meet. I just do so, caring others. I just can't stop showing my maternal love: when I saw someone wearing a inexplicable wounds, when I heard someone coughing, when I caught someone yawning, anything I had observed I care them.

I built mini-reminders around me.
Always. -save some quotes to myself. Spread some good vibes, Everyday.

No matter what's going on, Susan

Let your pain make you.
Let your sorrow guide you.
Let your mistakes teach you 
But never let your defeat beat you.

You can. 

Everything will be fine. #jiayousc 

Sleep well and happy weekend my readers. v